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Wednesday, July 25, 2012

FAIRY TALES


With the influx of Fairy Tale movies that are popping up on the big screen this summer, one being Snow White and the Huntsman (by the way I saw it and it was a total bore), I am reminded that with a new baby I will not be able to escape reading one or two stories to her, and ultimately play a role in brain washing my little girl into believing in fairy tales.

The thing is, I still feel about fairy tales the same way I felt about it years ago: they are all a bunch of horse sh*t. I did not then nor do I now want for my kids to believe that all men are Prince Charming.  Nor do I want them to believe that even though he looks like a beast (Beauty and the Beast) he really isn't because true love will turn him into a handsome Prince. And what about the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, excuse my french, but who the hell thought a white girl waking up in a house owned by seven midgets while fussing and cleaning after them was equivalent to a fulfilling life.  

So why so critical, you ask? Well, let me tell you what you will not find in the fairy tale books or movies. In reality there is no such thing as happily ever after. The part about Prince meet girl, fall madly in love and they live happily ever after is really like I said, horse sh*t.  Somewhere in that Cinderella story should have been the ever after part: Prince Charming loses his crown because the Royal family disowned him for marrying below his station. As a result they end up living in an old shack with little to no furniture, not to mention he can't find a job because no one will hire him since he really does not have any real skills. Meanwhile, they are eating dry bread every night. Pretty soon she is picking up his dirty socks off the floor because he is not house trained thanks to all the maids he had to pick up after his lazy a**.  Before long Cinderella is crying herself to sleep every night because her friends warned her that he was really a loser without his crown to lean on,(also known as his mamma's money) but  she did not listen...  I can go on and on, but I get the feeling you get where I am going with my story.   

Granted I am bad mouthing stories that are by all accounts fictional, but I could not help adding my own little fictional twist.  It is a reminder that not all relationships are always sugar and spice, especially when it comes to the matter of the heart.   It is true I have been in some questionable relationships situations, like the one who would not commit and thought I would be satisfied with just being his side girl, and it took me too long to realize he was a dog. And the one who snuck me into his house via the back door because his mother was sleeping, and again it took me too long to come to the conclusion that three is a crowd. Last, was the one who I dated for some weeks, but  broke up with over the phone after I accepted a collected call from him from Rikers Correctional Facility. I later found out he had a pending case against him for laundering money for his cousin who lived in Jamaica.   Rest assure I will not be telling my children those stories any time soon. laugh out loud! 
Believe me, I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that only children believe in fairy tales and that once we become adults we no longer believe in such things.  That may be true for some, but sadly there are still a few of us (and I am not discounting myself) who for some reason believe someday we will find our Prince Charming and live happily ever after. 


Wednesday, June 27, 2012

I HAVE LEARNED NOTHING

For years I have been talking about relationships. All type of relationships, especially the type between a man and a woman. Finally I realized no matter how much you think you want it, need it and just got to have it, you can always live without it. In other words, relationships are not always what they crack up to be.  

Of course when you fall in love - I encourage it, because the feeling is unlike any other - you are optimistic that both parties will benefit greatly from it. It feels like a journey that ultimately will lead to something greater.  So you open your heart and hope for the best.  While at the same time, being mindful of the fact that the only difference between this journey and so many others you have been on is: you don't have a map. A map to tell you when you are lost and in need of direction, a change in direction or just forget the whole thing, and start over.

I am no expert, and I don't claim to be, but in my experience I have learned we tend to repeat ourselves. We repeat patterns because they are familiar and we think we know what to expect. Of course it's always surprising when we find out that's not always the case.  Personally, I have been in alot of relationships, some long and some short, and I am embarrassed to admit that I have learned nothing from them.  Well not nothing, but certainly not enough to keep me from repeating the same mistakes.  Now, I realized we all make mistakes and I am old enough to know that it's not the mistakes that hurt more, but rather the novel idea that we should have known better.  

After all, weren't all the signs there? Like the lies, the name calling, and the strange cases of Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde episodes.  As for me, it's more about giving it all I have and not giving up too soon. Not because I am one of those women with daddy issues, on the contrary I love my father and he is a great father, however I have accepted the fact that he is not an exemplary (to my mother's demise) husband material. He is just my dad! And therefore I am not looking to him to set the bar. Of course to a certain degree.

The funny thing is, knowing what you don't want doesn't always translate into knowing what you do want.   I am the first to admit that when it comes to men I have drank from the "stupid" kool-aid, but luckily I usually recognize a bad romance before it's too late.  Unless the stubborn bull in me refuses to let go and hold on for way too long. What is the saying? It feels so wrong, it has to be good?  Or is it the other way around? But which ever way the saying goes, if it's too good to be true it is probably too good to be true.  

Thursday, May 31, 2012

NOT MY FIRST RODEO


There is a movie that came out in theatre recently called, What to Expect When You're  Expecting, that I am planning on watching on bootleg.  Why? Because like many people I like to be told or at least reminded of things I already know.  Mainly that having a baby is not always what it cracks up to be. Especially since I just spent nine months bitching and moaning about how much fun I was not having pregnant for the LAST time!  More importantly I am hoping the movie reveal something new I don't already know. Funny, I Know! But stay with me, I am going somewhere with this. 

By the way, I have the book by the same  name, and truth is it just collected dust somewhere in my house for years.  I never even browsed through it. when I had a question I would ask my Mom or learn by trial and error. In fact over the years I even had a name for my parenting style. I called it: "improvised parenting."  In other words, if it works, great! If it doesn't, well, there is always therapy (?). And my other favorite name was:"parenting by proxy." Translation: make sure your kids have great godparents for when you just need to go out and get drunk. 

Traditionally, when we talk about having babies we get suck into the idea that it's as simple as baking a cake. Just add water, put it in the oven for thirty minutes and viola!   Indeed, if I was still in my twenties and just plain stupid this redonculousness (made up word) analogy might have made no sense.  More so, if I was one of the teenagers portray on the MTV's dumb hit series Sixteen and PregnantI do not know much, but I know this much is true: having a baby or raising a kid is like being in a foreign country.  You don't speak the language, and the words that you do know doesn't make any sense. In other words, you really don't know what the french you are doing. And the fact that it's not your first rodeo does not mean squat. The only thing you know for certain is that all pregnancies,babies and kids are different.

Nevertheless, I am crossing my fingers and hoping this movie will not only entertain me, but also make me feel better about all the mistakes I made as a parent past and present.  More specifically, I am hoping this movie will help me feel better about falling asleep from exhaustion while feeding my baby and woke up to find her drenched in baby milk. And sometimes I let her cry in her crib because I can't feel my right arm from carrying her and walking back and forth like a zombie.  Also, it's okay that I smell like pee and poop because most days I don't make it to the showers. Last, that my house is not fit for company since I have not cleaned it in months, because I just don't have the energy.  But in spite of all that, I find it all worth it. Especially since every now and then I get a gassy smile that tugs straight at my heart and make me extremely happy. 

On the whole I am hoping this movie doesn't try to shove down my throat the stereo-typical crap that most people like to buy into about having babies and or parenting.      

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

EXPECTING!

Naturally after having my last two kids who are now teenagers, I always said to people (who thought I was crazy for even thinking it) that I wanted to have another baby.  So this summer when I  discovered I was having another baby because I finally found a good man, I quickly realized that I was full of sh*t. Now don't get me wrong, babies are great,but they are even better when you are in your twenties. Otherwise when you are in your thirties (like me) being pregnant feels more like being tortured for nine months.  If I had my way, I would have skipped the whole pregnancy part and jump to the labor part. Can you say epidural? 

Although I have been pregnant before, and I knew exactly what I was getting myself into, but for some reason there were certain things that had been erased from my memory bank about pregnancy.  The first three months (the first trimester) felt like a real horrible scary movie. As a result, I started calling the baby "Chucky," because I felt like the little monster was purposely trying to drive me insane. My daily routine consisted of throwing up, and eating things like plain bread or nachos dip in hot sauce. More throw up, crying and wishing I was dead. I could not keep anything in my stomach for too long.  In fact if I smelled it before I ate it, it was pretty much guaranteed I was going to throw up.  

At times I wanted to peel off my nose.   Oh, and let's not forget the back pains, and the aching pain in my breasts  that took away all the fun of having gigantic boobs!   And did I mentioned the lack of sex drive.  And yet I read online that pregnancy made you hornier, but for me my sex meter was down to a big fat zero!  I did not even want "that thing"  close to me.  Of course it goes without saying that I became very good at performing other things, if you know what I mean.  Otherwise I would have had one pissed off boyfriend on my hands.  

Now that I am in my second trimester,(month six) thank God, I am glad the torture is finally over. I am happy to report that I am  starting to feel human again.  I no longer throw up as much, instead I eat like a pig because I am hungry all the times. My bionic nose (as I like to call it) can still smell everything, but not to the extreme like before. The only thing that has not changed is the lack of sex drive. I still can't stand it!  

I will keep you posted. 


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Special K
MOMMY-IN-CHIEF...I am a mother, daughter, sister  and friend, but more importantly I am an aspiring writer.  I've raised two teen-age girls and at the age of thirty-something I've decided to start this mother-hood thing from scratch with my eight month old baby girl.  I am a Political news junkie and I love, love, reality television. My blog is my new found passion.  On my blog - MOMMY-IN-CHIEF, I spill my guts about kids, family, mistakes, accomplishments and whatever is on my (CRAZY) mind. Regrets? You bet. Happy? Most times. Opinionated? Hell yes! Since my aspiration is to be a writer, my BLOG is my practice board and I will make mistakes, so don't expect perfection! 

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FAIRY TALES


With the influx of Fairy Tale movies that are popping up on the big screen this summer, one being Snow White and the Huntsman (by the way I saw it and it was a total bore), I am reminded that with a new baby I will not be able to escape reading one or two stories to her, and ultimately play a role in brain washing my little girl into believing in fairy tales.

The thing is, I still feel about fairy tales the same way I felt about it years ago: they are all a bunch of horse sh*t. I did not then nor do I now want for my kids to believe that all men are Prince Charming.  Nor do I want them to believe that even though he looks like a beast (Beauty and the Beast) he really isn't because true love will turn him into a handsome Prince. And what about the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, excuse my french, but who the hell thought a white girl waking up in a house owned by seven midgets while fussing and cleaning after them was equivalent to a fulfilling life.  

So why so critical, you ask? Well, let me tell you what you will not find in the fairy tale books or movies. In reality there is no such thing as happily ever after. The part about Prince meet girl, fall madly in love and they live happily ever after is really like I said, horse sh*t.  Somewhere in that Cinderella story should have been the ever after part: Prince Charming loses his crown because the Royal family disowned him for marrying below his station. As a result they end up living in an old shack with little to no furniture, not to mention he can't find a job because no one will hire him since he really does not have any real skills. Meanwhile, they are eating dry bread every night. Pretty soon she is picking up his dirty socks off the floor because he is not house trained thanks to all the maids he had to pick up after his lazy a**.  Before long Cinderella is crying herself to sleep every night because her friends warned her that he was really a loser without his crown to lean on,(also known as his mamma's money) but  she did not listen...  I can go on and on, but I get the feeling you get where I am going with my story.   

Granted I am bad mouthing stories that are by all accounts fictional, but I could not help adding my own little fictional twist.  It is a reminder that not all relationships are always sugar and spice, especially when it comes to the matter of the heart.   It is true I have been in some questionable relationships situations, like the one who would not commit and thought I would be satisfied with just being his side girl, and it took me too long to realize he was a dog. And the one who snuck me into his house via the back door because his mother was sleeping, and again it took me too long to come to the conclusion that three is a crowd. Last, was the one who I dated for some weeks, but  broke up with over the phone after I accepted a collected call from him from Rikers Correctional Facility. I later found out he had a pending case against him for laundering money for his cousin who lived in Jamaica.   Rest assure I will not be telling my children those stories any time soon. laugh out loud! 
Believe me, I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that only children believe in fairy tales and that once we become adults we no longer believe in such things.  That may be true for some, but sadly there are still a few of us (and I am not discounting myself) who for some reason believe someday we will find our Prince Charming and live happily ever after. 


I HAVE LEARNED NOTHING

For years I have been talking about relationships. All type of relationships, especially the type between a man and a woman. Finally I realized no matter how much you think you want it, need it and just got to have it, you can always live without it. In other words, relationships are not always what they crack up to be.  

Of course when you fall in love - I encourage it, because the feeling is unlike any other - you are optimistic that both parties will benefit greatly from it. It feels like a journey that ultimately will lead to something greater.  So you open your heart and hope for the best.  While at the same time, being mindful of the fact that the only difference between this journey and so many others you have been on is: you don't have a map. A map to tell you when you are lost and in need of direction, a change in direction or just forget the whole thing, and start over.

I am no expert, and I don't claim to be, but in my experience I have learned we tend to repeat ourselves. We repeat patterns because they are familiar and we think we know what to expect. Of course it's always surprising when we find out that's not always the case.  Personally, I have been in alot of relationships, some long and some short, and I am embarrassed to admit that I have learned nothing from them.  Well not nothing, but certainly not enough to keep me from repeating the same mistakes.  Now, I realized we all make mistakes and I am old enough to know that it's not the mistakes that hurt more, but rather the novel idea that we should have known better.  

After all, weren't all the signs there? Like the lies, the name calling, and the strange cases of Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde episodes.  As for me, it's more about giving it all I have and not giving up too soon. Not because I am one of those women with daddy issues, on the contrary I love my father and he is a great father, however I have accepted the fact that he is not an exemplary (to my mother's demise) husband material. He is just my dad! And therefore I am not looking to him to set the bar. Of course to a certain degree.

The funny thing is, knowing what you don't want doesn't always translate into knowing what you do want.   I am the first to admit that when it comes to men I have drank from the "stupid" kool-aid, but luckily I usually recognize a bad romance before it's too late.  Unless the stubborn bull in me refuses to let go and hold on for way too long. What is the saying? It feels so wrong, it has to be good?  Or is it the other way around? But which ever way the saying goes, if it's too good to be true it is probably too good to be true.  

NOT MY FIRST RODEO


There is a movie that came out in theatre recently called, What to Expect When You're  Expecting, that I am planning on watching on bootleg.  Why? Because like many people I like to be told or at least reminded of things I already know.  Mainly that having a baby is not always what it cracks up to be. Especially since I just spent nine months bitching and moaning about how much fun I was not having pregnant for the LAST time!  More importantly I am hoping the movie reveal something new I don't already know. Funny, I Know! But stay with me, I am going somewhere with this. 

By the way, I have the book by the same  name, and truth is it just collected dust somewhere in my house for years.  I never even browsed through it. when I had a question I would ask my Mom or learn by trial and error. In fact over the years I even had a name for my parenting style. I called it: "improvised parenting."  In other words, if it works, great! If it doesn't, well, there is always therapy (?). And my other favorite name was:"parenting by proxy." Translation: make sure your kids have great godparents for when you just need to go out and get drunk. 

Traditionally, when we talk about having babies we get suck into the idea that it's as simple as baking a cake. Just add water, put it in the oven for thirty minutes and viola!   Indeed, if I was still in my twenties and just plain stupid this redonculousness (made up word) analogy might have made no sense.  More so, if I was one of the teenagers portray on the MTV's dumb hit series Sixteen and PregnantI do not know much, but I know this much is true: having a baby or raising a kid is like being in a foreign country.  You don't speak the language, and the words that you do know doesn't make any sense. In other words, you really don't know what the french you are doing. And the fact that it's not your first rodeo does not mean squat. The only thing you know for certain is that all pregnancies,babies and kids are different.

Nevertheless, I am crossing my fingers and hoping this movie will not only entertain me, but also make me feel better about all the mistakes I made as a parent past and present.  More specifically, I am hoping this movie will help me feel better about falling asleep from exhaustion while feeding my baby and woke up to find her drenched in baby milk. And sometimes I let her cry in her crib because I can't feel my right arm from carrying her and walking back and forth like a zombie.  Also, it's okay that I smell like pee and poop because most days I don't make it to the showers. Last, that my house is not fit for company since I have not cleaned it in months, because I just don't have the energy.  But in spite of all that, I find it all worth it. Especially since every now and then I get a gassy smile that tugs straight at my heart and make me extremely happy. 

On the whole I am hoping this movie doesn't try to shove down my throat the stereo-typical crap that most people like to buy into about having babies and or parenting.      

EXPECTING!

Naturally after having my last two kids who are now teenagers, I always said to people (who thought I was crazy for even thinking it) that I wanted to have another baby.  So this summer when I  discovered I was having another baby because I finally found a good man, I quickly realized that I was full of sh*t. Now don't get me wrong, babies are great,but they are even better when you are in your twenties. Otherwise when you are in your thirties (like me) being pregnant feels more like being tortured for nine months.  If I had my way, I would have skipped the whole pregnancy part and jump to the labor part. Can you say epidural? 

Although I have been pregnant before, and I knew exactly what I was getting myself into, but for some reason there were certain things that had been erased from my memory bank about pregnancy.  The first three months (the first trimester) felt like a real horrible scary movie. As a result, I started calling the baby "Chucky," because I felt like the little monster was purposely trying to drive me insane. My daily routine consisted of throwing up, and eating things like plain bread or nachos dip in hot sauce. More throw up, crying and wishing I was dead. I could not keep anything in my stomach for too long.  In fact if I smelled it before I ate it, it was pretty much guaranteed I was going to throw up.  

At times I wanted to peel off my nose.   Oh, and let's not forget the back pains, and the aching pain in my breasts  that took away all the fun of having gigantic boobs!   And did I mentioned the lack of sex drive.  And yet I read online that pregnancy made you hornier, but for me my sex meter was down to a big fat zero!  I did not even want "that thing"  close to me.  Of course it goes without saying that I became very good at performing other things, if you know what I mean.  Otherwise I would have had one pissed off boyfriend on my hands.  

Now that I am in my second trimester,(month six) thank God, I am glad the torture is finally over. I am happy to report that I am  starting to feel human again.  I no longer throw up as much, instead I eat like a pig because I am hungry all the times. My bionic nose (as I like to call it) can still smell everything, but not to the extreme like before. The only thing that has not changed is the lack of sex drive. I still can't stand it!  

I will keep you posted.