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Wednesday, June 27, 2012

I HAVE LEARNED NOTHING

For years I have been talking about relationships. All type of relationships, especially the type between a man and a woman. Finally I realized no matter how much you think you want it, need it and just got to have it, you can always live without it. In other words, relationships are not always what they crack up to be.  

Of course when you fall in love - I encourage it, because the feeling is unlike any other - you are optimistic that both parties will benefit greatly from it. It feels like a journey that ultimately will lead to something greater.  So you open your heart and hope for the best.  While at the same time, being mindful of the fact that the only difference between this journey and so many others you have been on is: you don't have a map. A map to tell you when you are lost and in need of direction, a change in direction or just forget the whole thing, and start over.

I am no expert, and I don't claim to be, but in my experience I have learned we tend to repeat ourselves. We repeat patterns because they are familiar and we think we know what to expect. Of course it's always surprising when we find out that's not always the case.  Personally, I have been in alot of relationships, some long and some short, and I am embarrassed to admit that I have learned nothing from them.  Well not nothing, but certainly not enough to keep me from repeating the same mistakes.  Now, I realized we all make mistakes and I am old enough to know that it's not the mistakes that hurt more, but rather the novel idea that we should have known better.  

After all, weren't all the signs there? Like the lies, the name calling, and the strange cases of Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde episodes.  As for me, it's more about giving it all I have and not giving up too soon. Not because I am one of those women with daddy issues, on the contrary I love my father and he is a great father, however I have accepted the fact that he is not an exemplary (to my mother's demise) husband material. He is just my dad! And therefore I am not looking to him to set the bar. Of course to a certain degree.

The funny thing is, knowing what you don't want doesn't always translate into knowing what you do want.   I am the first to admit that when it comes to men I have drank from the "stupid" kool-aid, but luckily I usually recognize a bad romance before it's too late.  Unless the stubborn bull in me refuses to let go and hold on for way too long. What is the saying? It feels so wrong, it has to be good?  Or is it the other way around? But which ever way the saying goes, if it's too good to be true it is probably too good to be true.  

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Special K
MOMMY-IN-CHIEF...I am a mother, daughter, sister  and friend, but more importantly I am an aspiring writer.  I've raised two teen-age girls and at the age of thirty-something I've decided to start this mother-hood thing from scratch with my eight month old baby girl.  I am a Political news junkie and I love, love, reality television. My blog is my new found passion.  On my blog - MOMMY-IN-CHIEF, I spill my guts about kids, family, mistakes, accomplishments and whatever is on my (CRAZY) mind. Regrets? You bet. Happy? Most times. Opinionated? Hell yes! Since my aspiration is to be a writer, my BLOG is my practice board and I will make mistakes, so don't expect perfection! 

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I HAVE LEARNED NOTHING

For years I have been talking about relationships. All type of relationships, especially the type between a man and a woman. Finally I realized no matter how much you think you want it, need it and just got to have it, you can always live without it. In other words, relationships are not always what they crack up to be.  

Of course when you fall in love - I encourage it, because the feeling is unlike any other - you are optimistic that both parties will benefit greatly from it. It feels like a journey that ultimately will lead to something greater.  So you open your heart and hope for the best.  While at the same time, being mindful of the fact that the only difference between this journey and so many others you have been on is: you don't have a map. A map to tell you when you are lost and in need of direction, a change in direction or just forget the whole thing, and start over.

I am no expert, and I don't claim to be, but in my experience I have learned we tend to repeat ourselves. We repeat patterns because they are familiar and we think we know what to expect. Of course it's always surprising when we find out that's not always the case.  Personally, I have been in alot of relationships, some long and some short, and I am embarrassed to admit that I have learned nothing from them.  Well not nothing, but certainly not enough to keep me from repeating the same mistakes.  Now, I realized we all make mistakes and I am old enough to know that it's not the mistakes that hurt more, but rather the novel idea that we should have known better.  

After all, weren't all the signs there? Like the lies, the name calling, and the strange cases of Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde episodes.  As for me, it's more about giving it all I have and not giving up too soon. Not because I am one of those women with daddy issues, on the contrary I love my father and he is a great father, however I have accepted the fact that he is not an exemplary (to my mother's demise) husband material. He is just my dad! And therefore I am not looking to him to set the bar. Of course to a certain degree.

The funny thing is, knowing what you don't want doesn't always translate into knowing what you do want.   I am the first to admit that when it comes to men I have drank from the "stupid" kool-aid, but luckily I usually recognize a bad romance before it's too late.  Unless the stubborn bull in me refuses to let go and hold on for way too long. What is the saying? It feels so wrong, it has to be good?  Or is it the other way around? But which ever way the saying goes, if it's too good to be true it is probably too good to be true.