Who knew that being thirty-something and single would be such a challenge? Back in your twenties when you were staying up till five in the morning, who knew that in your thirties you wouldn’t be able to stay up past two A.M. Nevertheless, even with the stigma that goes with being thirty-something and single, there is an upside (yes an upside).
I know it’s hard to image there is an upside to being thirty-something and single with all the magazines and television shows (especially reality shows) and their recipes on how to get a man, how to keep a man, where to find a man and the A to Z of dating. Not to mention, the non-stop commercials on on-line dating like match.com and chemistry.com. It’s perfectly understandable if you are thinking that I am out of my mind, but believe me, the upside of being single is this really great opportunity to re-discover YOU. Don’t get me wrong, no one chooses to be single, but if you find yourself single, there are probably good reasons why you are. I believe instead of feeling bad and rushing to find that perfect mate, (by the way, no one is perfect) you should be taking the opportunity to work on YOU. Think of this time as the “Self Discovery” phase of being single.
I think during this time, you may discover the answers to a few questions: How sensitive is your bullshit meter? And, what is your level of tolerance for inconsistencies? Believe me, it’s a sheer pleasure when you discover that, yes, you are in complete control. Quality is more important than quantity. Having standards is perfectly acceptable and asking relevant questions on dates is also acceptable. And if the answer to the question: what are you looking for in a relationship is “I just want to have fun,” then you know it’s time to delete this person’s contact from your phone, Face book, or whatever you are using these days if that is not what you are looking for. Empower You.
EMPOWERED WORDS:
Each of us has the right and the responsibility to assess the roads which lie ahead, and those over which we have traveled, and if the future road looms ominous or unpromising, and the roads back uninviting, then we need to gather our resolve and carrying only the necessary baggage, step off that road into another direction. If the new choice is also unpalatable, without embarrassment, we must be ready to change that as well.
Maya Angelou
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
THE NINETY-DAY RULE
For those of you who are not familiar with the Ninety-Day rule, it is basically how long a woman should wait before sleeping with the man she is dating. According to Steve Harvey's book Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man, waiting ninety-days before sleeping with a man is a sure way to guarantee the relationship will last beyond ninety-days. Apparently, this rule is a way to get the respect you deserve from the man you are seeing.
In the book, Steve Harvey explained: In the same way a new employee has to wait for a ninety-day probation period before getting company benefits, you should also have a ninety-day probation period before giving up your benefits to a man. The benefits being your "cookies" or the "good good." That way if things do not work out you will have no regrets. Makes sense, right? But really, how realistic is this rule? And does it really matter whether or not you wait ninety-days before sleeping with a man? My answer to that last question is a big fat NO!
OK, while I understand the importance of getting to know someone before sleeping with him, I also feel it is equally important to know whether or not we are sexually compatible. In my opinion, ninety-days is a long time to spend getting to know someone just to find out at the end that one, he has none of the skills he bragged about (you know how some men like to brag). Two, he does not know the first thing about foreplay and three, he is one of those who arrive at the destination before you even get in the car. So, I believe, the sooner I know these things the better it is for me to make a decision on whether or not I want to take the relationship any further. Besides, men do it why not me (us).
But let’s be serious, the truth is there are different reasons why women and men sleep together be it before or after ninety-days. I don't think it makes a difference when we do it, because if the relationship is meant to work out, it will and if it is not meant to work out, it won’t. The main thing is, learn from your prior experiences, pay attention to the red lights (also known as your intuition) that goes off in your head as a warning when someone is wrong for you and you will have no regrets if you let him go early. And that's my motto.
This is something to talk about...
In the book, Steve Harvey explained: In the same way a new employee has to wait for a ninety-day probation period before getting company benefits, you should also have a ninety-day probation period before giving up your benefits to a man. The benefits being your "cookies" or the "good good." That way if things do not work out you will have no regrets. Makes sense, right? But really, how realistic is this rule? And does it really matter whether or not you wait ninety-days before sleeping with a man? My answer to that last question is a big fat NO!
OK, while I understand the importance of getting to know someone before sleeping with him, I also feel it is equally important to know whether or not we are sexually compatible. In my opinion, ninety-days is a long time to spend getting to know someone just to find out at the end that one, he has none of the skills he bragged about (you know how some men like to brag). Two, he does not know the first thing about foreplay and three, he is one of those who arrive at the destination before you even get in the car. So, I believe, the sooner I know these things the better it is for me to make a decision on whether or not I want to take the relationship any further. Besides, men do it why not me (us).
But let’s be serious, the truth is there are different reasons why women and men sleep together be it before or after ninety-days. I don't think it makes a difference when we do it, because if the relationship is meant to work out, it will and if it is not meant to work out, it won’t. The main thing is, learn from your prior experiences, pay attention to the red lights (also known as your intuition) that goes off in your head as a warning when someone is wrong for you and you will have no regrets if you let him go early. And that's my motto.
This is something to talk about...
Friday, September 11, 2009
IS COURTSHIP DEAD?
The question is courtship dead is something I have been pondering for awhile now. And so I decided to ask around to see what the consensus was. What I found was astounding to say the least. One of my girlfriends said if (emphasis on IF) courtship is dead it could only be because we (us…girls) killed it just like we killed chivalry. To prove her point she found a video on YouTube from Dave chapelle's comedy routine “Chivalry Is Dead”. Check it out, it’s hilarious!
Of course I was shock when I watch the video, but I can’t front, some of the things Dave said actually made sense. This only proves to me this is precisely why now a day most man would rather skip the whole courtship thing and go straight to the relationship. Later when the relationship does not work out, one of you (mostly us…yes you!) is left to wonder why. I believe this may have a lot to do with what we stop doing during the beginning of a relationship and that is to make him properly court us. Make him wine and dine us for as long as it takes. Most of us (and I am guilty of it too) are so happy to finally be in a relationship we forget or neglect to make him work for it. And I am not the only one who feels that way. For those of you who are reading this and raising an eyebrow, you should get a copy of Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man. It’s all in the book ladies; I am not making this up. I have six words for you “let a man be a man!”
Now I am not an expert, but I figure if a man has some home training he should at least know how to court the object of his affection (us) and know what’s expected of him on a first, second, third and fourth date and so on and so on… Simple things like opening a car door or pulling out a chair, some basic skills a man should have. If he does not have these basic skills then (I hate to say it, ladies) you need to trained him. And YES, a man can be trained.
So yes, I have come to the conclusion that courting a woman is dead. I don’t know about you, but I want more than just a drink. I will take dinner and a movie and no expectations afterwards any day. If I can find it! Lol! I mean, really!
AND this is something to talk about…let me hear your thoughts.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymNdfdQvdVc
Of course I was shock when I watch the video, but I can’t front, some of the things Dave said actually made sense. This only proves to me this is precisely why now a day most man would rather skip the whole courtship thing and go straight to the relationship. Later when the relationship does not work out, one of you (mostly us…yes you!) is left to wonder why. I believe this may have a lot to do with what we stop doing during the beginning of a relationship and that is to make him properly court us. Make him wine and dine us for as long as it takes. Most of us (and I am guilty of it too) are so happy to finally be in a relationship we forget or neglect to make him work for it. And I am not the only one who feels that way. For those of you who are reading this and raising an eyebrow, you should get a copy of Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man. It’s all in the book ladies; I am not making this up. I have six words for you “let a man be a man!”
Now I am not an expert, but I figure if a man has some home training he should at least know how to court the object of his affection (us) and know what’s expected of him on a first, second, third and fourth date and so on and so on… Simple things like opening a car door or pulling out a chair, some basic skills a man should have. If he does not have these basic skills then (I hate to say it, ladies) you need to trained him. And YES, a man can be trained.
So yes, I have come to the conclusion that courting a woman is dead. I don’t know about you, but I want more than just a drink. I will take dinner and a movie and no expectations afterwards any day. If I can find it! Lol! I mean, really!
AND this is something to talk about…let me hear your thoughts.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymNdfdQvdVc
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
THIRTY-SOMETHING AND SINGLE
Who knew that being thirty-something and single would be such a challenge? Back in your twenties when you were staying up till five in the morning, who knew that in your thirties you wouldn’t be able to stay up past two A.M. Nevertheless, even with the stigma that goes with being thirty-something and single, there is an upside (yes an upside).
I know it’s hard to image there is an upside to being thirty-something and single with all the magazines and television shows (especially reality shows) and their recipes on how to get a man, how to keep a man, where to find a man and the A to Z of dating. Not to mention, the non-stop commercials on on-line dating like match.com and chemistry.com. It’s perfectly understandable if you are thinking that I am out of my mind, but believe me, the upside of being single is this really great opportunity to re-discover YOU. Don’t get me wrong, no one chooses to be single, but if you find yourself single, there are probably good reasons why you are. I believe instead of feeling bad and rushing to find that perfect mate, (by the way, no one is perfect) you should be taking the opportunity to work on YOU. Think of this time as the “Self Discovery” phase of being single.
I think during this time, you may discover the answers to a few questions: How sensitive is your bullshit meter? And, what is your level of tolerance for inconsistencies? Believe me, it’s a sheer pleasure when you discover that, yes, you are in complete control. Quality is more important than quantity. Having standards is perfectly acceptable and asking relevant questions on dates is also acceptable. And if the answer to the question: what are you looking for in a relationship is “I just want to have fun,” then you know it’s time to delete this person’s contact from your phone, Face book, or whatever you are using these days if that is not what you are looking for. Empower You.
EMPOWERED WORDS:
Each of us has the right and the responsibility to assess the roads which lie ahead, and those over which we have traveled, and if the future road looms ominous or unpromising, and the roads back uninviting, then we need to gather our resolve and carrying only the necessary baggage, step off that road into another direction. If the new choice is also unpalatable, without embarrassment, we must be ready to change that as well.
Maya Angelou
I know it’s hard to image there is an upside to being thirty-something and single with all the magazines and television shows (especially reality shows) and their recipes on how to get a man, how to keep a man, where to find a man and the A to Z of dating. Not to mention, the non-stop commercials on on-line dating like match.com and chemistry.com. It’s perfectly understandable if you are thinking that I am out of my mind, but believe me, the upside of being single is this really great opportunity to re-discover YOU. Don’t get me wrong, no one chooses to be single, but if you find yourself single, there are probably good reasons why you are. I believe instead of feeling bad and rushing to find that perfect mate, (by the way, no one is perfect) you should be taking the opportunity to work on YOU. Think of this time as the “Self Discovery” phase of being single.
I think during this time, you may discover the answers to a few questions: How sensitive is your bullshit meter? And, what is your level of tolerance for inconsistencies? Believe me, it’s a sheer pleasure when you discover that, yes, you are in complete control. Quality is more important than quantity. Having standards is perfectly acceptable and asking relevant questions on dates is also acceptable. And if the answer to the question: what are you looking for in a relationship is “I just want to have fun,” then you know it’s time to delete this person’s contact from your phone, Face book, or whatever you are using these days if that is not what you are looking for. Empower You.
EMPOWERED WORDS:
Each of us has the right and the responsibility to assess the roads which lie ahead, and those over which we have traveled, and if the future road looms ominous or unpromising, and the roads back uninviting, then we need to gather our resolve and carrying only the necessary baggage, step off that road into another direction. If the new choice is also unpalatable, without embarrassment, we must be ready to change that as well.
Maya Angelou
THE NINETY-DAY RULE
For those of you who are not familiar with the Ninety-Day rule, it is basically how long a woman should wait before sleeping with the man she is dating. According to Steve Harvey's book Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man, waiting ninety-days before sleeping with a man is a sure way to guarantee the relationship will last beyond ninety-days. Apparently, this rule is a way to get the respect you deserve from the man you are seeing.
In the book, Steve Harvey explained: In the same way a new employee has to wait for a ninety-day probation period before getting company benefits, you should also have a ninety-day probation period before giving up your benefits to a man. The benefits being your "cookies" or the "good good." That way if things do not work out you will have no regrets. Makes sense, right? But really, how realistic is this rule? And does it really matter whether or not you wait ninety-days before sleeping with a man? My answer to that last question is a big fat NO!
OK, while I understand the importance of getting to know someone before sleeping with him, I also feel it is equally important to know whether or not we are sexually compatible. In my opinion, ninety-days is a long time to spend getting to know someone just to find out at the end that one, he has none of the skills he bragged about (you know how some men like to brag). Two, he does not know the first thing about foreplay and three, he is one of those who arrive at the destination before you even get in the car. So, I believe, the sooner I know these things the better it is for me to make a decision on whether or not I want to take the relationship any further. Besides, men do it why not me (us).
But let’s be serious, the truth is there are different reasons why women and men sleep together be it before or after ninety-days. I don't think it makes a difference when we do it, because if the relationship is meant to work out, it will and if it is not meant to work out, it won’t. The main thing is, learn from your prior experiences, pay attention to the red lights (also known as your intuition) that goes off in your head as a warning when someone is wrong for you and you will have no regrets if you let him go early. And that's my motto.
This is something to talk about...
In the book, Steve Harvey explained: In the same way a new employee has to wait for a ninety-day probation period before getting company benefits, you should also have a ninety-day probation period before giving up your benefits to a man. The benefits being your "cookies" or the "good good." That way if things do not work out you will have no regrets. Makes sense, right? But really, how realistic is this rule? And does it really matter whether or not you wait ninety-days before sleeping with a man? My answer to that last question is a big fat NO!
OK, while I understand the importance of getting to know someone before sleeping with him, I also feel it is equally important to know whether or not we are sexually compatible. In my opinion, ninety-days is a long time to spend getting to know someone just to find out at the end that one, he has none of the skills he bragged about (you know how some men like to brag). Two, he does not know the first thing about foreplay and three, he is one of those who arrive at the destination before you even get in the car. So, I believe, the sooner I know these things the better it is for me to make a decision on whether or not I want to take the relationship any further. Besides, men do it why not me (us).
But let’s be serious, the truth is there are different reasons why women and men sleep together be it before or after ninety-days. I don't think it makes a difference when we do it, because if the relationship is meant to work out, it will and if it is not meant to work out, it won’t. The main thing is, learn from your prior experiences, pay attention to the red lights (also known as your intuition) that goes off in your head as a warning when someone is wrong for you and you will have no regrets if you let him go early. And that's my motto.
This is something to talk about...
IS COURTSHIP DEAD?
The question is courtship dead is something I have been pondering for awhile now. And so I decided to ask around to see what the consensus was. What I found was astounding to say the least. One of my girlfriends said if (emphasis on IF) courtship is dead it could only be because we (us…girls) killed it just like we killed chivalry. To prove her point she found a video on YouTube from Dave chapelle's comedy routine “Chivalry Is Dead”. Check it out, it’s hilarious!
Of course I was shock when I watch the video, but I can’t front, some of the things Dave said actually made sense. This only proves to me this is precisely why now a day most man would rather skip the whole courtship thing and go straight to the relationship. Later when the relationship does not work out, one of you (mostly us…yes you!) is left to wonder why. I believe this may have a lot to do with what we stop doing during the beginning of a relationship and that is to make him properly court us. Make him wine and dine us for as long as it takes. Most of us (and I am guilty of it too) are so happy to finally be in a relationship we forget or neglect to make him work for it. And I am not the only one who feels that way. For those of you who are reading this and raising an eyebrow, you should get a copy of Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man. It’s all in the book ladies; I am not making this up. I have six words for you “let a man be a man!”
Now I am not an expert, but I figure if a man has some home training he should at least know how to court the object of his affection (us) and know what’s expected of him on a first, second, third and fourth date and so on and so on… Simple things like opening a car door or pulling out a chair, some basic skills a man should have. If he does not have these basic skills then (I hate to say it, ladies) you need to trained him. And YES, a man can be trained.
So yes, I have come to the conclusion that courting a woman is dead. I don’t know about you, but I want more than just a drink. I will take dinner and a movie and no expectations afterwards any day. If I can find it! Lol! I mean, really!
AND this is something to talk about…let me hear your thoughts.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymNdfdQvdVc
Of course I was shock when I watch the video, but I can’t front, some of the things Dave said actually made sense. This only proves to me this is precisely why now a day most man would rather skip the whole courtship thing and go straight to the relationship. Later when the relationship does not work out, one of you (mostly us…yes you!) is left to wonder why. I believe this may have a lot to do with what we stop doing during the beginning of a relationship and that is to make him properly court us. Make him wine and dine us for as long as it takes. Most of us (and I am guilty of it too) are so happy to finally be in a relationship we forget or neglect to make him work for it. And I am not the only one who feels that way. For those of you who are reading this and raising an eyebrow, you should get a copy of Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man. It’s all in the book ladies; I am not making this up. I have six words for you “let a man be a man!”
Now I am not an expert, but I figure if a man has some home training he should at least know how to court the object of his affection (us) and know what’s expected of him on a first, second, third and fourth date and so on and so on… Simple things like opening a car door or pulling out a chair, some basic skills a man should have. If he does not have these basic skills then (I hate to say it, ladies) you need to trained him. And YES, a man can be trained.
So yes, I have come to the conclusion that courting a woman is dead. I don’t know about you, but I want more than just a drink. I will take dinner and a movie and no expectations afterwards any day. If I can find it! Lol! I mean, really!
AND this is something to talk about…let me hear your thoughts.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymNdfdQvdVc
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)